A Week in the Life of Gustavo

"Seems to think that if he fails to write, la migra will find him."--OC Weekly More merriment available at ronmaydon@yahoo.com

domingo, mar├žo 09, 2003

Why Michael Jackson is truly insane. Courtesy of the world's greatest website's encyclopedia...

Michael Jackson is obviously, irrefutably, incontrovertibly insane. He is just totally nuts, and we can prove it. The evidence is undeniable.

But it has nothing to do with the skin lightening or the endless plastic surgeries. That's definitely vain, and probably unhealthy, but not strictly psychotic. Jackson decided years ago that he wanted to resemble the sarcophagus mask of Tutankhamen. That's fine by us. Let the man chip away at his facial bones. After all, they belong to him.

Nor is there anything necessarily wrong with enjoying the company of young boys in one's bed, even if you're living under persistent accusations of being a pedophile. Innocent until proven guilty, that's what we always say.

Also, you can't blame a guy for marrying a Scientologist. Lisa Marie was cute. Well, kinda. And besides, she was Elvis' daughter. Famous people are always attracted to other famous people. Nobody knows why.

Likewise, lots of people do dangerous things to their infant children. Although whereas most parental fuckups are on the order of feeding honey to their baby, Jackson's was dangling his kid over a fifth-floor balcony. What do you want? People make mistakes.

We can confidently declare Michael Jackson nuts because of his guest appearance in episode 7F24 of The Simpsons. He voiced the character of an obese, caucasian mental patient claiming to be Michael Jackson. He answered to Jackson's name. He spoke, danced, sang, played music, and composed songs just like Jackson. And he was intimately familiar with the minutiae of Jackson's life. Not only is Michael Jackson in the episode, but the story is explicitly about him. The name "Michael Jackson" is spoken eight times during the course of the show.

Despite those facts, Jackson used a pseudonym, and a pathetic one at that. He was listed in the credits as "John Jay Smith."

If Jackson entertained the notion for even a split second that anyone wouldn't recognize his voice, then he is clinically delusional and should be restrained.

I remember the heavy promotion for that episode--I do believe they screened a Michael Jackson special when it originally aired. This was the beginning of the Simpsons courtship of celebrity guests. Some have been great (Sir Gary Coleman) others not (umm...I'm not sure). I gave up the Simpson for Lent and am now reduced to reading about it, just like Bart Read Norman Mailer's nove of "Itchy and Scratchy: the Movie"