A Week in the Life of Gustavo

"Seems to think that if he fails to write, la migra will find him."--OC Weekly More merriment available at ronmaydon@yahoo.com

quinta-feira, setembro 25, 2003

And now, a public service announcement...

Again, someone has clicked on Rotten.com and thought me a disgusting maniac. Let me explain.

The site I take much of my stories from is from Daily Rotten, Rotten.com's news service. It's the same company but completely different tastes. While Rotten.com isn't averse to showing people with their brains blown out or things even more disgusting (let's just say I'll never think of weightlifters the same again after a Rotten.com photo), Daily Rotten is merely the Drudge Report for geeks. It links up to serious publications like the New York Times or moronic rags like the Rag.

Yes, the humor in Daily Rotten tends to run to the smart-ass insulting--this is the place, after all, that ran a story as "Man Regrets not Punching Bob Hope in Face." But the stories I've read here have amused me many a late night while I work on some story. The problem, though, is that people always mistake Daily Rotten for Rotten. This is what happened today, as Someone (that's the person's name until I think of something better) told me she had looked up Rotten.com and was shocked, shocked! to see the stuff there. I explained it to her and she understood.

Lesson to be learned: Rotten.com and Daily Rotten are two different concepts from the same entity. One is vile, the other merely amusing. Check out the merely amusing--and don't think I'm too bizarre.

But now, the DAILY ROTTEN wire!

US soldiers kill tiger in Baghdad zoo.

Great. First, we kill a bunch of Shiites after they get angry at us for disrupting a religious rally, now we're killing caged animals just because they're doing what's natural for them and clawing at predators? If this isn't a metaphor for Iraq, I'm not sure what is.

Woman shoots someone with a pen.

When I was younger, our household would get issues of Soldier of Fortune magazine. I remember the man who owned the house before us was a former Marine--anyway, I never actually read the articles in Soldier of Fortune but do remember their extensive catalogue selling swords hidden in umbrellas, matches that lit underwater, and pens that would shoot bullets. The capacity for the military to invent weapons is amazing. I always wanted an umbrella sword, though. Not anymore--I have my pointy umbrella that makes me look like the Planter Peanut guy.

US created fake mullahs in propaganda effort.

While I don't doubt the charge, this story offers no proof other than unattributed quotes. An example of bad journalism.

Ronald Reagan felt guilty for having marital sex.

Here is the winning passage:

"Even in marriage I had a little guilty feeling about sex, as if the whole thing was tinged with evil," he told the friend.

But Mr Reagan said a "fine old gentleman" had pointed him in the right direction by citing the behaviour of primitive Polynesians.

"These peoples, who are truly children of nature and thus of God, accept physical desire as a natural, normal appetite," he said.

Way to be patronizing, Mr. President!

The Amish have their own coyote rings.

Good for them! Only problem I have is how are they able to transport them since they don't drive cars? By horse buggy? (Sorry, I'm tired and my joke quotient is down to nil right now)

More Mel Gibson Catholic wisdom.

And the quote:

"Modern secular Judaism wants to blame the Holocaust on the Catholic Church. And it's a lie. And it's revisionism. And they've been working on that one for a while," Gibson said.

Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Yes, this is the Catholic who doesn't mind baring his ass in every film he's ever made.

Reverend Sun Myung Moon gets cozy with the Bushies.

Can't link up to the entire story since freakin' Salon now charges for articles, but check out this interesting passage...

What sort of proper sexual habits? According to Moon, in order to restore blood purity, very specific practices are prescribed. Sex before marriage is out of the question, and when sexual consummation does happen, it must adhere to very specific instructions. First, a photograph of Moon must be nearby, so that everything occurs under the reverend's watchful eye. After two nights of woman-on-top sex, the couple reverse positions, whereupon the man, according to Moon, restores dominion over Eve, via the proper missionary position. Then, according to the instructions attributed to the U.C.'s American Blessed Family Department, "after the act of love, both spouses should wipe their sexual areas with the Holy Handkerchief" --referring to the church-supplied washcloth -- which must "be kept individually labeled and should never be laundered or mixed up."

For more on the good reverand, check out the Rotten.com library (another non-disgusting portion of the Rotten library) entry on Moon.

And now, sleep.