A Week in the Life of Gustavo

"Seems to think that if he fails to write, la migra will find him."--OC Weekly More merriment available at ronmaydon@yahoo.com

quarta-feira, setembro 10, 2003

Anda mi Linda Vecina, Ya se que Estas Divina...

For some reason Sunday's Daily Rotten wire was obsessed with nudity and crap. First, the nudity...

Man delivers newspapers naked.

Here's the funny lines...

"He claimed to have engaged in this sort of behavior for the last three weeks, including taking newspapers up to people's doors in that condition," Easley said.

Nowadays, newspaper delivery routes are handled by seedy men and women. I once had my New York Times delivered by a woman who had a mullet Joe Dirt would have envied. Paperboys only exist in never-ending video games.

Naked man sleeps in bank.

There was once an episode in Seinfeld where George revealed he goes to the restroom completely naked. This is the same episode where a woman he was courting thought he was a bum after eating a donut that was in the trash and appearing to be washing windshields for a living. Maybe the man has the same tics as George--or as the following quote insinuates:

When police tried to awake him, Whitney said: "This is the bar. Go away," arrest reports state.

Maybe he was drunk.

Soccer coach strips kid naked.

The quote:

Weaver said in a telephone interview Thursday there was "lots more" to tell about what happened but that he did not want to discuss it before his trial, scheduled for December.

He said his actions were "unusual in an unusual situation."

The guy should be done the same. This all happened in Alaska. Who knew they played soccer in Alaska (not trying to be cutely ignorant, but the turf must be tundra-solid).

Now here's the effluvia-related articles...

Silo filled with human waste explodes in the Bronx.

The New York Post is obnoxious and owned by Murdoch, but you have to hand it to them--they are the masters of sensationalism. Even the Rag can't match up to them.

Cows rescued from room filled to the ceiling with manure.

I'm always reading stories of groups of people dying trying to clean animal waste out. One time, I read that a father and his four sons died trying to clear a pig shit trough. They were overcome by the fumes. Death by poop is amongst the most ignominous of deaths. The worst, though, was the man who stood in front of an elephant's butt to check out why the beast was constipated. The pachyderm soon relieved himself, and the man was crushed by what came out. True story.

Now, two rather-disturbing entries...

Sisters get AIDS from using common shaving razor.

Thank God I don't use a razor with someone else. And thank God I don't engage in--no comment. I'm a good Catholic boy.

Dutch cops urged not to smoke out too much on the job.

One of the best headlines ever:

Amsterdam's key stoned cops face drug cafe ban


And now, to your regularly scheduled rants of me.

Am going to Felix's to meet up with the Grad School Duo, AAS and MS. Married, both attending graduate school (hence, my lame nickname), and funny as hell. They both crack me up and are fellow Chapman alumni, as is the Pinochet Apologist and Nameless Genderless Friend. I do believe Diamond in the the Asphalt goes there also, or is planning to.

Am supposed to hear Beethoven's 9th tomorrow at the Hollywood Bowl. Went on Sunday for Cafe Tacuba, plans for tomorrow, and next week with the Fabulous G Sisters for Bugs Bunny on Broadway. Each night will be a beautiful concert in a beautiful setting with beautiful women. Except the first one, that is. Darn.

But now, work.