A Week in the Life of Gustavo

"Seems to think that if he fails to write, la migra will find him."--OC Weekly More merriment available at ronmaydon@yahoo.com

sexta-feira, outubro 31, 2003

Toccata and Fugue in D Minor...

This was Halloween from last year:

Tonight, I wore a bucket on my head as a Halloween costume. A stranger took a look at me and openly deemed it the worst costume he had seen.

Mission accomplished.

This year was even funner. While the rest of the family was out and about, I stayed home alone and gave out candy to kiddies. I was on the verge of handing out chocolates when a surge of Mexican nationalism seeped into men and inspired the purchase of lollipops of various fruits and chili powders. Most everyone was happy with the choice.

I invited a couple of people to join me in acting like a parent, but no one took me up on the offer. Their damn loss.

Halloween is my favorite holiday, and not because of the costumes. There is no other holiday in which the public trust of each other is put under such confidence. Parents allow their children to approach the houses of dozens of strangers (yes, it's the same neighborhood, but Bowling Alone proved many times over that people don't even know who lives next door, let alone down the street) and allow said stranger to hand out candies. And the parents allow their beloved to eat the morsels. That children don't get poisoned en masse restores my hope in this country. And to see the children! All dressed up, chirping "Trick or treat!" with the hope that a mysterious adult will fork over a handful of candies. And you know what? Every kid I encountered said thank you to me!

Such beauty...and I experienced it alone. Why should I even act surprised?
There's a Go Betty Go fan site where a thread labelledGo Betty Go Fan Forum - GBG hater or? is dedicated to thrashing me for my article on them for the Rag. I've received a couple of hits from that discussion board--someone put up the link to this infernal blog. Here is my favorite comment--it's regarding visiting my site:

wouldnt want to waste my precious time at that site

And someone counters with:

So true......all he has on that link is stupidities....

Guess what, GBG fans--that above comment is correct! But thank you for caring enough about my moronic comments to visit my blog! Come back more often--you'll learn a lot about nothing except Daily Rotten history like this:

Oct 31

All Hallows Eve. What once served as a spooky New Years Eve tradition for the ancient Celts (which they called Samhain) was ultimately appropriated by Pope Gregory IV in 840 AD to serve as the daylong vigil preceding the Feast of All Saints. Even so, the Christians preserved the pagan festival's spooky trappings anyway. Cunning bastards.

Stupidity, I tell you!

quinta-feira, outubro 30, 2003

Aha! I caught you, reporter from the Los Angeles Times, looking at my blog for information on the notorious Roy D. DePaul. Here's the proof:

30 Oct, Thu, 15:58:42 lye2.latimes.com MSIE 5 Windows 2000

Referrer Tracking: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=%22Roy+D+DePaul%22&btnG=Google+Search

Make sure to credit me when your article comes out, m'kay?
From the wire...

Fox News threatened to sue Simpsons over parody

The text:

In an interview this week with National Public Radio, Matt Groening recalled how the news channel had considered legal action, despite the fact that "The Simpsons" is broadcast on sister network, Fox Entertainment.

According to Groening, Fox took exception took a Simpsons' version of the Fox News rolling news ticker which parodied the channel's anti-Democrat stance, with headlines like "Do Democrats Cause Cancer?"

"Fox fought against it and said they would sue the show," Groening said.

"We called their bluff because we didn't think Rupert Murdoch would pay for Fox to sue itself. So, we got away with it."

Other satirical Fox news bulletins featured in the show included: "Pointless news crawls up 37 per cent... Do Democrats cause cancer? Find out at foxnews.com... Rupert Murdoch: Terrific dancer... Dow down 5,000 points... Study: 92 per cent of Democrats are gay... JFK posthumously joins Republican Party... Oil slicks found to keep seals young, supple..."

While the lawsuit never materialized, Groening said some action was taken.

"Now Fox has a new rule that we can't do those little fake news crawls on the bottom of the screen in a cartoon because it might confuse the viewers into thinking it's real news," he said.

Fox News denied the channel had ever threatened legal action.

"We are scratching our heads over here. We liked the cartoon. We thought it was great," Robert Zimmerman, a Fox News spokesman, told the Independent

Fucking Fox. First, with the Al Franken suing, now this? For a network that loves to skewer liberals, they sure are thin-skinned. In fact, most people who are viciously partisan can't take criticism, a phenomena that affects liberals and conservatives alike. To criticize, you must have a hide of lead...like me! But ask me about my nails...

Lebron James makes his NBA debut.

I'm disgusted with this story already. And you know what? It's only beginning. Lost amidst all the coverage is that THE CAVALIERS LOST. And they lost by over 10 points--that's a thrashing. All said, I don't have a problem with James--in the few interviews I've seen of him and in profiles of the guy, he seems nice enough. And 12-of-20 shooting coupled with nine assists is a good game in all levels.

quarta-feira, outubro 29, 2003

Somewhere Over the Rainbow...

In writing an article for the Rag, I'm realizing I can be rather brutal. This is a side of me I try to repress in my interactions with women...but then I hear women saying they'd like more of that vicious side expressed by me. You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. So this is what I'll do: say good-bye to my Manichean worldview and allow gray to invade my ethical palette. Will this make everything fine? Let's certainly hope so.

More words later--I need to finish being brutal.
No, I'm not a bad-ass, but I did have to boast once in my life about me, que nao?
Writing right now, but had to include this interesting quote courtesy of an Outkast review for Speakerboxx/The Love Below...

The African-American community has a specific cross to bear when confronting this "realness," but everybody has a problem being good. It's boring. We've known this at least since the 19th century, when the Rev. Rowland Hill of Surrey Chapel in London delivered the line often attributed to Martin Luther: "The devil should not have all the best tunes." Who has the best record collection? Your saintly friend who jogs 10 miles a day and does pro bono work or your annoying slacker friend who tends bar?

Guess what? My baby don't love me--but she does shake it like a Polaroid.

BTW, I'm the keyboardist on the album--bespectacled, modest around the ladies, but a BAD-ASS!

terça-feira, outubro 28, 2003

School's Out...

I think I'll transition rather well when I finally move out of my house away from the spoiling ways of my family. As it currently stands, I don't eat at home, by the time I get home, everyone is already asleep--in effect, I come to an empty house--I already pay many of the bills, and I clean things. The only aspects of the solitary life I'm lacking in is washing clothes and cooking dinner outside of my beans/rice/potatoes triumvate--but with those three items together accompanied with a quesadilla, what else is there to eat?

Just returned from a 5 1/2-hour marathon school board meeting. Let me just say I'm praying for all the kids out there--the scholastic life for them is severely screwy. But at least people now pay attention--back in my high school days, no one gave a damn. Hell, people still don't--SanTana is a rather caring town compared to Anacrime.
I'm putting in the whole thing because it's that damn good and the rumblings of the Bushies regarding the matter is getting rather shrill. The link is here from Fairness & Accuracy in Recording (FAIR):

Is Media Bias Filtering Out Good News from Iraq?

October 28, 2003

Are the media ignoring the good news in Iraq? From pundits to White House officials, that's what many critics are saying. According to George W. Bush (10/6/03), "We're making good progress in Iraq. Sometimes it's hard to tell it when you listen to the filter." While these complaints have sparked extensive discussion and debate in the media, an examination of coverage finds very little substance to this critique of media treatment of Iraq.

The pro-occupation critics claim that there's not enough coverage of the rebuilt schools, for example, or the fact that hospitals in Iraq are open. Congressmember Jim Marshall (D.-Ga.) was perhaps the most blunt of them all, alleging in an opinion piece for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution
(9/22/03) that the media's "falsely bleak picture weakens our national resolve, discourages Iraqi cooperation and emboldens our enemy." Marshall concluded by lamenting "the harm done by our media. I'm afraid it is killing our troops."

MSNBC host Joe Scarborough (9/26/03) told viewers that "some of the most powerful media players in America don't want America to succeed in Iraq.... American soldiers have told me that the biggest morale challenge that they are facing is not Saddam and Osama's thugs, but, rather, it's dealing with the biased, slanted reports that they're getting from American news organizations."

But are these critics complaining about bad press, or simply bad news? As the Associated Press (10/17/03) explained: "The schools, for example, need rehabilitation in large part because of the chaotic looting touched off by the U.S. military's entry into Baghdad in April. And many schools have not been rehabilitated, particularly in poorer neighborhoods and the south."

Newsweek (10/27/03) pointed out that "reporters who covered the war say that some of the Coalition's achievements are less impressive than they sound. Paul (Jerry) Bremer, the U.S. civilian administrator in Iraq, proudly announced the reopening of Iraq's schools this month, while White House officials point to the opening of Iraq's 240 hospitals. In fact, many schools were already open in May, once major combat ended, and no major hospital closed during the war."

Newsweek went on to note that journalists who might actually try to cover what these critics deem the "good" news are discouraged from doing so: "In Baghdad, official control over the news is getting tighter. Journalists used to walk freely into the city’s hospitals and the morgue to keep count of the day’s dead and wounded. Now the hospitals have been declared off-limits and morgue officials turn away reporters who aren’t accompanied by a Coalition escort." So while critics say journalists should be chastised for not reporting on hospitals, the occupation forces are making it more difficult for reporters to actually visit them.

The fact that reporters are kept away from hospitals suggests that it's risky to assume that more coverage of Iraqi reconstruction would yield "good" news. Consider New York Times reporter Dexter Filkins' description of the scene at an Iraqi hospital (NPR's On the Media, 10/3/03): "The hospitals are open. If you've been in a hospital in Iraq, however, the reality is far different. One should not picture a hospital in the United States. A typical hospital in Iraq is a nightmarish place where they don't have electricity yet. Where there's people sleeping on the floors; where the emergency rooms at night are flooded with people who have been shot and maimed in the chaos that breaks out after curfew."

But some reporters are still grappling with the criticism that their coverage has been too "negative." ABC's Baghdad correspondent Neal Karlinsky told Nightline (10/15/03) that "there's a lot of good news stories here that we are trying to get out. And, quite frankly, news events sometimes get in the way of that. It's hard to work on a feature story about life in Baghdad getting back to normal when there is suddenly a car bombing that kills a half dozen people nearby." Karlinsky seems to be complaining that breaking news keeps getting in the way of reporting the news. CNN's Bill Hemmer (10/14/03) wondered if life in Iraq could "also be better than what's being reported also. If you consider that these reporters, many of them tell us they want to go cover the new school opening, but they can't because there's another bombing or shooting and that prevents them from sending that story?"

But other critics note that "good news" is hardly the only thing missing from Iraq coverage. Seth Porges writes in Editor & Publisher (10/23/03) that coverage of injured and wounded U.S. soldiers gets very little media attention. "For months, the press has barely mentioned non-fatal casualties or the severity of their wounds," writes Porges. "Few newspapers routinely report injuries in Iraq, beyond references to specific incidents. Since the war began in March, 1,927 soldiers have been wounded in Iraq, many quite severely."

New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman, on the same day the Editor & Publisher piece was published, wrote that "we've had 900 wounded or maimed" in Iraq. Perhaps the fact that the Times so rarely publishes figures for wounded soldiers makes Friedman's error somewhat unsurprising; FAIR was able to find just one reference to the total number of wounded soldiers in the Times during the month of October. The paper did, however, run an editorial (10/5/03) that mentioned the "mournful daily roll call of additional dead and wounded soldiers." Ironically, that roll call of the wounded is rarely published in the New York Times.

It is not unexpected for any administration to put forward its interpretation of news events. But the White House's aggressive pursuit of favorable news coverage threatens to squelch reporting on the actual human costs of the occupation. For example, the Washington Post's Dana Milbank reported on October 21 that the White House is "banning news coverage and photography of dead soldiers' homecomings on all military bases."

Whether they are based in Baghdad or in Washington, journalists are obliged to report the news on the ground, not as "good" or "bad" but as news, regardless of how it fits with the vision the administration would like Americans to see.

segunda-feira, outubro 27, 2003

Picture This...

I'm trying to learn how to post pictures on this infernal blog. So far, I have put up a photo of my previous incarnation of Buddy Holly and a mock driver's license designed by the idiots at American Patrol. (Yes, idiots, Petty--just like the man running La Voz de Aztlan is a moron). But I cannot seem to post the photos correctly. Are any of you two at home able to see them? Email me if you do--I saw them once but they haven't popped back up since.

I realized I haven't posted many stories from the world's greatest website as of recent...will try to later on today. Frankly, I'm currently uninspired right now, only because I'm here at home taking care of the kids.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep...
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep.

Do you realize I once used that passage as a pick-up line? Needless to say, the only thing I got that night was advice not to be so darn pessimistic about the world. Hey--I'm as optimistic as the next Pollyana. Just give me a reason to, like beauty, brains, and Bruins!
How about this?

Let's try this again!

Above should be Buddy Holly...
Let's see if this works. If Pinochet Apologist instructed me correctly, below this text should be a picture of Buddy Holly...

Crossing my fingers and fully satiated after some curried goat...

domingo, outubro 26, 2003

I am no longer miserable--just bloody confused. Thank you, Chapman Couple!
From the pages of American Patrol...

Devastating California wildfires very suspicious
10/25/03 -- 5:30 pm -- (E-mail to American Patrol): The Mexican government and numerous Mexicans have been making threats about retaliation for revoking licenses for illegal aliens. -- Do you think the CA fires part of that retaliation? -- It is very unusual to have this many fires.

The following day...

10/26/03 -- Yesterday we posted an item in the Rumor Mill suggesting that the fires in Southern California were some kind of or retaliation by the Mexican government or Mexicans. Upon investigation, we can find no reliable source or basis for this suggestion and we apologize for posting it.

As an editor at the Jewish Journal once remarked, seems that everything bad nowadays is either blamed on Mexicans or Jews. Should make us natural allies, eh Chicanos?

Yeah, right.

Based on percentage, Chicanos are the most anti-Semitic people I know, the first to throw their solidarity with the Palestinians, and the first to utter the "Jews own the media" nonsense. I'll never forget the time when my cholo-turned-evangelical minister cousin asked me out of nowhere, "Is it true Jews own the media?" Or how about the many times I've had to hear about Jewish executives courtesy of some prominent rockeros? "It's true, you know" they'll snap back when I call them out for their subscription to stereotypes. Or how about my dear mother calling us for years "Cochino marranos" whenever she'd be angry at us. When I told her only about a year ago that she had been calling us "dirty Jews" for years, she was horrified and hasn't used the slur since. But why did she call us that in the first place--especially when "Arellano" is a Sephardic last name?

Cristo, ruega por nosotros.
La Noche que Chicago se Murio...

Should've used the above title two weeks ago when it was applicable.

Misery has set in yet again--where were you away for so long?--as this charming man realizes communication is the key to the world. And thus, change. The Cowards know what I'm talking about!

Who are the Cowards, you may ask? Ah, but I cannot reveal. Don't worry--it's not you, but it's definitely someone you know. Let's just say the Mission District is now known for something other than great burritos.

Played tennis earlier this morning with the Norse in the LBC. I didn't think our ash storm would drift all the way to Snooptown...but it did. The Norse, a heavy smoker, coughed and wheezed and still destroyed me 6-0, 6-3. Ain't I the jock?

Some Rotten.com history...

Oct 26 1997

Basketball great Charles Barkley is charged with aggravated battery and resisting arrest after throwing 20-year-old man Jorge Lugo through a plate glass window in an Orlando, Florida dance club. Barkley later tells reporters: "I regret we weren't on a higher floor."

But now, research. And a couple of blurbs from Best of...never mind, research.

sábado, outubro 25, 2003

Bunch of cowards.

Y'all know who you are, the collective bunch of Uds.
And what kind of a post would it be without some Rotten.com history!

Oct 25 1938

The Archbishop of Dubuque, the Most Reverend Francis J.L. Beckman, denounces the newfangled Swing music -- the latest craze -- as nothing more than "a degenerated musical system... turned loose to gnaw away the moral fiber of young people." Its cannibalistic rhythms are said to lead one down "primrose path to Hell."

Oct 25 1983

In order to maintain an uninterrupted supply of nutmeg to satisfy global demand, the United States of America invades the Caribbean island of Grenada. The invasion is rationalized as a rescue mission for American medical school rejects stuck in a sleazy offshore diploma mill.
Ashes to Ashes...

Ashes are currently covering the outside world, a byproduct of the raging wildfires currently consuming our hills and white-flight residences. Reminds me of the moment in Schindler's List, when the Jewish refugees enter the concentration camp and notice the refuse belching from the furnaces--their fate.


Did anything of any significance happen Thursday? Yes--but it must remain top secret. Alls I gotta tells ya is that there's nothing funnier than having a conversation for about an hour and a half with a man wearing construction goggles. Semper Fi!


Went to see Aterciopelados with Someone. Her first time seeing the Velvety Ones--she loved them. At the show, met up with Pelos and G of the Fabulous G sisters. Before the concert, ate at Canary Restaurant where we shared a torshi and I breathed a fascinatingly bitter stew known as gormeshsabzi. After the concert, back to her place for hamantashen from Abel's Bakery.

Interesting story about Abel's: Went there during my lunch break at the Rag to pick up some challah. As soon as I walk in, the young lady working the counter yells out, "Tio, tio, mire quien vino!" The proprietor of the place emerges and gets a huge grin on his face. He thanks me immensely, saying he's received much more business thanks to my article. The niece remarks that my article was wonderfully written "in a way that just grabs people." When I ask how much my bill will run to, the owner tells me to leave Andrew Jackson be.

This is why I write--not the freebies, mind you. But if I could bring people in to a small business, if I could get the wicked kicked out of office, if the competition rewrites my articles in an inferior fashion, then I know I'm doing my job.

Article this week:

It's our Best of Issue, so just a bunch of blurbs. I'll post a couple each day to fill your reading needs. In the meanwhile read the entirety of the dining blurbs.

And don't forget my article defending disgusting dinners.

But now, reading!

Before that...

Here's the link to a recently found Internutter, Matt Cibula. Music writer, exiled in Wisconsin--digs El Gran Silencio. A question remains: how does one live in Wisconsin and discover El Gran Silencio?

quinta-feira, outubro 23, 2003

Scalia Ridicules Court's Gay Sex Ruling

Fookin' Scalia. If people of the same sex want to have sex with each other, who gives a damn?

Real entry (hahaha!) to come...

quarta-feira, outubro 22, 2003

PNS: Arnold Could Learn From Amitabh Bachchan, India's Movie Star-Politician

AB is the original bad-ass, a hulking man with a shake-down-the-thunder tenor. Even in his older age, he is regal. Bollywood is king--I love Karisma Kapoor, though Aishwarya Rai is God Herself.

Enough on-line blabbering. Work beckons...wait a minute, it's already here!
Funniest moment of the past seven days...

Crashing the party of the Esteemable Rag, everyone drunk off their mind. I've only had a cup of water to drink, yet when Jackie Autrey appears on the big-screen TV at Lucky Strike Bowling Alley in Hollywood/Highland, I immediately yell, "Fuck Jackie Autry!" Downer Downey is shocked--I rarely curse. Yet I launch an expletive-loaded tirade for the next five minutes about what a terrible human being Jackie Autrey is. No one listens--why listen to the ramblings of a drunk, especially one who hasn't a trace of alcohol in their system?
While we're on the subject of appeal...

Journalism is evil. Don't believe a word a 50-word blurb on a restaurant says, especially if what you wrote was much better than what they want. So there!
Vanity Fair...

A excerpt from a Chastity post...

Hi! Mr Big Words, my friend thought you were cute! Thought I'd pass that along, its always good to hear that someone thinks you're cute no?

Dorky Angel asked me last week what was the most important thing that happened to me last year--have I already posted this? Too fookin' bad, I'm writing it again (unless I haven't posted this and this is the first time. Ah, writer's block). My answer was that I finally accepted the fact that women could find me attractive.

Before you accuse me of even more arrogance than usual, let me explain. One of the major problems I suffer from is utter bewilderment as to how people could possibly like me. Uds. read the hate mail I get (and don't think I don't read your comments, Obsessive!), and I always go through insecurities as to my writing abilities. The worst neurosis I ever suffered from, though, is that of looks and attraction.

When I was in high school, the most beautiful senior (I was also a senior) let it be known that she wanted me. She started following me around, accompanied me to various photo assignments. One time, as we were walking past Mr. Brennan's class, she told me the following: "I really like you, Gustavo. I think you're really attractive, handsome, and wonderful."

My response? "No you don't."

I couldn't accept it that anyone could like it, let alone a goddess. Such an ugly duckling syndrome affected me with my relationships in the sense that I'd latch on to a woman for dear life even if she was emotionally abusive towards me for fear that I'd never find another woman.

But this year changed my perspective. I'm not sure exactly what it was. I went through another half-year of sputters with Raunchy Protestant, went on one date that went nowhere fast, and a series of very successful ones that just might bear fruition. But something in my mind just clicked and accepted that there will be some women out there that actually think I'm cute, as Chastity's friend let her know. Nevermind that people still say I look like Marc Anthony, who--though I admire as a singer and performer--is ugly. Some women think I'm cute.

I accept that conundrum. Now the second question: why?

As the male half of the Chapman Couple advised, I will not analyze, I shall just accept and revel.

BTW, Chastity, let Miss Grigio know I thought she was quite the looker also!
Rerun died.

An excerpt:

He played himself in an episode of NBC's Scrubs last April. As was his way, he wore the Rerun red beret, and the Rerun red suspenders.

Until recently, Fred Berry had been one of the on-demand telephone friends for HollywoodIsCalling.com, the new service connecting fans with a roster of largely low-watt stars.

Ugh, if I'd ever get famous and spend the last years of my life capitalizing on my short-lived stature, can someone please push me off the 8 Freeway in the Imperial Desert?!
Bring it on, oh my brother. Bring it on.
Damn Yankees...

Came back from seeing Gustavo Cerati at JC Fandango with the Chapman Couple. Actually, I ditched them because they wanted to be in the front and I don't get sweaty. Great concert as always, however. Hung out with the Fabulous G Sisters and said hello at the very end to Chastity of the LovelyMoFos. Funny thing with her--first time she said hi to me at a Jumbo show, I gave her the ultimate cold shoulder--sorry, but the Raunchy Protestant had insulted me earlier! Last time around for Cerati, we exchanged pleasantries. This time, we actually hugged. Her musings crack me up--about the best compliment you can ever get from me.

I'd have more to sleep, but have to take the kids to school early. Ah, pseudo-parenthood!

Some choice quotes from the Jack Kevorkian entry in the Rotten.com library...

Kevorkian has been compared to a serial killer. When asked about this in a Vanity Fair interview in 1994, he responded with a horrible pun ("I polished off a box of Cheerios this morning"), proving that while he might be psychotic, he's no Hannibal Lecter in the style department.

What started out as a kind of quirky, if morbid, tale of a libertarian bucking the system quickly descended into a morass of conflicting legal decisions and medical ethics dissertations. In other words, it got old fast.

terça-feira, outubro 21, 2003

Random Rotten.com history...

Oct 21 1997

Hotel owners in the Detroit area meet to discuss suicide doctor Jack Kevorkian's practice of leaving corpses in their hotel rooms.

Oct 21 1997

The Government of Singapore announces in a widely publicized "toilet alert" that the drive for toilet cleanliness is a great success. Five toilets were selected by citizens as toilet role models.

Oct 20 1930
Death row murderer Wiliam Kogut commits suicide in San Quentin prison with an ingenious pipe bomb. He tore nitrate-rich red spots torn from a deck of playing cards, saturated them with water, and jammed them into a length of steel pipe from his bed frame. Kogut placed the bomb on the heater and his head next to it, and waited.

Oct 20 1973

The Six Million Dollar Man premieres on ABC. Lee Majors' exceptional acting can only be compared to that of the great William Shatner.

Oct 20 1973

The Saturday Night Massacre. Nixon fires Attorney General Elliot Richardson and Deputy Attorney General William Ruckelshaus when they each refuse to fire special Watergate prosecutor Archibald Cox. The bastard who finally commits the deed: Robert Bork.

segunda-feira, outubro 20, 2003

Kiss me, Kate...

And so the debate rages--what is Noble Gus waiting for?

Why is he so smitten with the idea of chivalry? Why won't he bang someone just for the fuck of it? Why does he insist on certain concepts like respect, caring, and understanding of the other person? Why must he put so much emotion into everything he does? Why does he find the idea of physical activity without emotion so morally repugnant? Is he asexual? What of donuts, what?

All questions lobbed at me by Johnny Arthur, implicitly seconded by Dorky Angel and virtually everyone who laughs at my antiquated ways.

Lot of work this week. Gustavo Cerati tomorrow with the Chapman Couple. Friday night looms--but first, I need to call people for interviews!

domingo, outubro 19, 2003

Men kidnapped so that they can get married.

Maybe I should move there? Maybe not!
Oy vey.

Update soon...

sábado, outubro 18, 2003

Just for the Hell of It...

Courtesy of Striggy. Only reason I'm doing it is because I'm suffering from a mild case of writer's block, which begs the question--what's a young man like me doing working at home on a Saturday night?

LAYER ONE: On The Outside
Name = Gustavo
Birth date = 20 years after the Day the Music Died--to the hour
Birthplace = Anaheim
Current Location = About a minute away from the hospital I was born--now a community college!
Eye Color = dark brown.
Hair Color = dark brown
Height = 5'9".
Righty or Lefty = Right-handed
Zodiac Sign = I could care less about these things, but Aquarius.

LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Your heritage = Being that I'm Mexican, a grand amalgamation of Indian (Huichol, if you must know) and European (Spanish, French, and Jewish--Arellano is Sephardic!). The resulting battle within my blood has resulted in descriptions from Persian/Arabic (many) to Filipino (a couple of times) to Chinese (three times) to Vietnamese (???) to various Latin American nationalities--everything but Mexican.
Shoes you wore today = same I wear every day--black Chucks.
Your fears = betrayal, mediocrity, harm to those I love, rejection, the number 22
Your perfect pizza = something with jalapenos and pineapple--as the years pass, I like pizza less and less, though
Goal you'd like to achieve = Live in one place for the rest of my life--take that, globalization!

LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase on aim= haven't used AIM in a while...but would be "LOL"
Your thoughts first waking up = Hope the LA Times didn't crush my mom's flowers
Your best physical feature = my wavy hair, I've been told
Your bedtime = Sometime after 11:30pm Simpsons

Pepsi or Coke = Don't drink colas, but Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King = Don't eat hamburgers, but Carl's Jr.--Burger King is better than McDonald's by far, however
Single or group dates = single, though group dates are fun
Adidas or Nike = I do not patronize labeled clothes--I refuse to be a living shill for a multimillion-dollar corporation that uses slave labor in stitching what I wear. Now where did I leave my Chuck Taylor Converse, Doc Martens, and Dickies?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea = I drink lemonade, damnit! But Lipton, only because they make it in can form.
Chocolate or vanilla = The land of chocolate...Mmmm...half-off.
Cappuccino or coffee = Hate coffee, cannot stand it. I consider cappuccino, coffee, espresso--virtually anything with caffeine--to be interchangeable terms for the same muck.

Smoke = Once--it was disgusting
Cuss = in the public--rarely. With friends--every other word, but only with a British sensibility.
Sing = All the time when I'm not quoting the Simpsons.
Take a shower everyday = In the morning
Have a crush(es) = Yes, all futile!
Like(d) high school = I got failing grades on purpose--that's how much I enjoyed it.
Want to get married = YES
Believe in yourself = Depends on the situation
Get motion sickness = If I'm not driving and in any sort of amusement park ride. I don't dare board ships.
Think you're attractive = I'm not hideous.
Think you're a health freak = A couple of days ago, I ate a sandwich that weighed at least a pound and a half in one sitting. And I was still hungry.
Get along with your parents = Absolutely, although I think I confuse them immensely.
Like thunderstorms= Only if it really rains hard.
Play an instrument = Am learning the accordion to boost my babe credibility.

LAYER SIX: In the past month have you...
Drank alcohol = Yes, at the only place I ever drink--JC Fandango.
Smoked = Nope
Done a drug = Never
Made Out = I wish
Gone on a date = Yes
Gone to the mall? = Does the Block count?
Eaten an entire box of Oreos = Oreos--as much as I love 'em--make me sick
Eaten sushi = Yes!
Been on stage = To give a speech, yes
Been dumped = No--that happened months ago
Gone skating = can't
Gone skinny dipping = I have a pool and never have
Dyed your hair = Why would I do such a thing?
Stolen anything = Someone's heart--or so I thought!

Played a game that required removal of clothing = You insult my Catholic sensibilities
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated = Twice--and I don't party with either person who set me up for it anymore (though still hang out with them)
Been caught "doing something" = Huh?
Been called a tease = I've been called the opposite of whatever a tease is.
Gotten beaten up = nearly--many times
Shoplifted = Twice--but they were rational reasons for my sinning!

LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married = ASAP
Numbers and Names of Children = Not sure of the number, but the names of the girls would be Micaela and Isabela; boy would probably be Julio
Describe your dream wedding = Can you get married without a wedding?
How do you want to die = At Ground Zero of a nuclear blast
What do you want to be when you grow up = Already doing it
What country(ies) would you most like to visit = Brazil, England, Argentina--fuck, howza 'bout the US of A?!

LAYER NINE: In a boy/girl
Best eye color? = Some sort of light green or brown
Best hair color? = light brown
Short or long hair = long, though short can be cute
Height = Doesn't matter, but I like girls to be around my height.
Best articles of clothing = Skirts/dresses
Best first date location = restaurant

LAYER TEN: In The Numbers...
Number of drugs taken illegally = None.
Number of people I could trust with my life with = I like to say no one but real number would be one.
Number of CDs that I own = maybe 120?
Number of piercing = Ha
Number of tattoos = Ha!
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = Over 400
Number of scars on my body = the one on my cheek, the one on my forehead, the one on my hand, the one on my knee, and the huge one on my heart...
Number of things in my past that I regret = I regret nothing.
Betcha By Golly Wow...

Spent the day attending a very boring conference--cannot say what was it about, as it's for a story I'm working on and the Competition was there.

Afterwards, went to the Centro Cultural de Mexico and proceeded to antagonize the Fellow UCLAer--I always seem to do that. I left feeling sad.

But I got home, and an email made that much better.

sexta-feira, outubro 17, 2003

The dregs have set in like the fog of this morning.
Soy Un Profanador...

Had a post--not longish--that was just erased by Blogger. God bless the system.

Disappointments are attacking me again, some self-caused, others rather perplexing. But today was fun. Spent the evening with Downer Downey celebrating his birthday at a bash for the Uppity Rag. Was held at Lucky Strike Bowling Alley in the Hollywood and Highland complex. Was rather fun, especially since we were also intently watching the Red Sox/Yankees classic. Great moment of the night: as Downer Downey was winding up for his throw, Aaron Boone smacked his bottom-of-the-11th home run. I suddenly yell, rush towards Downer Downey and hug him so he doesn't throw the ball, direct his attention to the big screen, and tell him just what happened. He goes nuts. Such friends.

Such friends, exactly--Downer Downey left me because he said he was thisclose to hooking up with a fellow coworker. I understood--happens to everyone except me. So I was reduced to walking Hollywood Blvd. by myself. Should've been Sunset.

Weird compliment of the night: "You throw really hard" (comment on my bowling method. I actually did rather well tonight)

Earlier, I ate a sandwich that must have literally weighed a pound. About the best way I could describe it was as if it were two Subway six-inch sandwiches put side-by-side, but nine inches in length and twice as thick. It was a lot. And I ate it all. The people at the Rag were so amused by my appetite I actually got annoyed. What a life--the fact that people make fun of how much I eat is the biggest problem in my life?! Actually, no--but it's nice to pretend.

quinta-feira, outubro 16, 2003

What is it about me that attracts abuse, heartache (Cubs this time-wah!), and frustration!

quarta-feira, outubro 15, 2003

Shoplifters of the World, Unite!

I never even spoke about my Saturday night/Sunday morning!


Went to a wedding with Downer Downey of a cousin of a fellow Uppitty Rag comrade. Wedding was fun, but ended much too early for our tastes--10:40 pm, to be exact. We wanted to do something, so we ended up visiting JC Fandango--sharp-looking suits and all.

JC was shocked to see me at his salsa nights; I told him I needed some food. So the three of us proceeded to spend the next four hours yapping about things in general. Downer Downey and JC hit it off--both good men. They both gave me advice regarding the love thing--essentially, they're not allowing me to fuck up anymore. We ate this delicious shrimp sautee, although I think mine could have been a bit spicier. Got home at three in the morning, then promptly woke up at six--need to read my papers!

Later on in the evening, went out with my fellow UCLAer (not Someone). Went to see Dirty Pretty Things. As always the tension was fun--introduced her to the veggie wonders of Van Hanh, more specifically their bun. Good times had by all.


Wept. The Cubs...the Cubs! I saw it all!

This man...in fact, let's quote the Smoking Gun on it, shall we?

Meet Steve Bartman. He's the poor 26-year-old Chicago Cubs fan who last night got his hands on that foul ball headed for outfielder Moises Alou's mitt. Bartman, who attended the University of Notre Dame, works for a Chicago-area consulting firm and serves as coach for a local youth baseball program. We wanted to speak with Bartman about last night's incident, but he did not return messages left on his office voicemail. And when we dialed Bartman up at his apartment--about three miles from Wrigley Field--we got a recorded message saying that his number had been disconnected. Which is probably not a bad idea.

The minute this happened, I knew hell would emerge. It did. It was terrible. They're going to lose tonight, despite the emphatic optimism of Dorky Angel.

Tell Uds. what: If the Cubs win tonight, everyone is entitled to lunch on me. Catch: you have to name the company I worked for before I started with the Rag. In the meanwhile...go Cubs!

terça-feira, outubro 14, 2003

I'm thisclose to giving up/in. May God have mercy on my soul.
Quite a busy day in Daily Rotten history!

Oct 14 1944

Field Marshall Erwin Rommel suicides. He was implicated in an anti-Hitler plot, and given the choice of suicide or humiliating trial and execution. Hitler always liked him.

Oct 14 1959

Actor and Nazi sympathizer Errol Flynn, dubbed "the most despicable human being yet born", dies of a heart attack in Vancouver's west end. Flynn slept with both Truman Capote and Howard Hughes. Eww.

Oct 14 1972

Joe Cocker and members of his backup band are arrested on (surprise) drug charges in Australia.

Oct 14 1977

During an anti-gay rally in Des Moines, Iowa, Anita Bryant gets hit in the face mid-prayer with a banana cream pie. Bryant finishes with custard dripping from her face: "Father, I want to ask that you forgive him and that we love him, and that we're praying for him to be delivered from his deviant lifestyle."

Oct 14 1977

Crooning child abuser Bing Crosby dies on a golf course in Madrid, Spain. Since his death, two of his sons have committed suicide with a shotgun blast to the head (Lindsay in 1989, Dennis in 1991).

Oct 14 1982

President Ronald Reagan, like Nixon before him, declares war on drugs. This time, for sure!

segunda-feira, outubro 13, 2003

Only the Lonely...

The articles this week in the Rag...

Daystar Communications fucks with the KOCE spectrum.

Daystar submitted the highest bid for KOCE to the tune of $25 million. Daystar also proudly discriminates:

The Word of God Fellowship, Inc. (a.k.a. the Daystar Television Network) only considers born-again Christian believers for employment.

Let's hear it for Christian love!

Latinos hate Latinos just like everyone else.

Otherwise known as "Why can't the media get over the fact that Latinos are humans like every other race on the planet?!

Five Placentia restaurants facing the wrecking ball.

No comment needed. Eat!

Ate lunch with Dorky Angel today--I think I annoy her more and more with each rant against normal human concepts like going out and having fun. Good one, Gus.

The Rotten Wire will come soon...here's a couple...

Arnold Schwarzenegger seeks to deregulate California's energy grid.

What people forget is that the man is a Pete Wilson acolyte. Wilson, of course, pushed for the deregulation of California's energy market. Just read the damn story for more insight.

Russian Orthodox Church destroyed because gay marriage was conducted there.

This article comes courtesy of World Net Daily, which features an entire section devoted to "Christian persecution." Not sure whether World Net Daily is happy or saddened by the situation--it hates gays and Ruskies, but likes Christian and government harrassment of the gays. Hmm...which is more evil for the webspace--the gays or the destruction of a centuries-old church?

20 Pregnant Cows Killed by Lightning

From Florida, the strangest state in the Union!

REDDICK, Fla. Oct. 9 — Florida, the lightning capital of the nation, lived up to its reputation when 20 prized, pregnant cows were killed by a bolt that hit an oak tree they were huddled under at a north Florida farm, police said. Two others were euthanized.
"The hole in the tree was the size of a watermelon," said Rose Mary Cameron of Clover Leaf Farm. "The ones that were under the tree did not move. They just fell over each other. They were all tangled up."

She said two others appeared brain dead, "so the manager put them down."

US soldiers bulldoze farmers' crops in Iraq

Just a brief excerpt here...

US soldiers driving bulldozers, with jazz blaring from loudspeakers, have uprooted ancient groves of date palms as well as orange and lemon trees in central Iraq as part of a new policy of collective punishment of farmers who do not give information about guerrillas attacking US troops.

Stop the world, I want to go home...
Will update soon--baseball in the way.

domingo, outubro 12, 2003

Some interesting New York Times articles today...

Gillette Asserts its Dominance over the Razor Market

I'm a Gillette man myself, although I must say their shaving gel is terrible. I'm going back to Old Spice for their shaving cream. Yes, I know it's an old man's toiletry, but as many people told me, I already act like a damn 40-year-old.

Tommy Mottola tries to make Thalia into an American sensation.

The deck says it all:

A New York street kid turned pop music impresario has sometimes been so dazzled by his own creation that he has fallen in love with the stars he manufactured.

Her music is terrible enough. But a clothing line for K-Mart?! Perfume for K-Mart?! Thalia is supposed to be the "Hispanic Martha Stewart"?! All these pale in comparison to the following, one of the more chilling passages I'll read this year...

Next February, Thalía, a monthly magazine, is planned to arrive on newsstands, published by American Media, which owns The Star, The National Enquirer and a roster of titles aimed at the Hispanic market. Ms. Sodi will top its masthead as editor in chief, Mr. Mottola as creative director. "I don't know Thalía," said David Pecker, the chief executive of American Media. "But I have great faith in Tommy as a businessman who knows how to market a celebrity better than anybody and how to promote a magazine in other forms of media."

God exists--and he's a writer's nightmare.

sábado, outubro 11, 2003

Eight Days a Week...


Saw Kinky with Raunchy Protestant, the Fabulous G Sisters, and Pelos at some club in Hollywood. Concert was fun, I guess--let's just say I'd prefer to have gone with someone else than Raunchy Protestant, but I'm a man of my word.


Saw the Cubs win one against the Marlins with Dorky Angel. Then she forgot something. Forgiven, but I won't forget!


Am going to a wedding of someone with Downer Downey. Should be fun--I'll be going under the guise of a 1940s reporter.

Wally George died earlier in the week. Rather than offer my own lengthy obituary, I urge you to read the Rag's official obit. Rather grand. And here's my short contribution to the Wally online remembrance of the Rag...


I didn’t know how to hit on my catechism-class companion. The woman was so brilliant and beautiful I found it hard to follow the mysteries of the Trinity as they were uttered from her rose-tinted lips. None of my classmates offered me any romantic advise as they, too, ached to be press against her ample bosom. My younger sister, however, had this to say: "Talk to her about Wally George. She once met Wally, and you like Wally."

We went out on a couple of dates, but they quickly faded away: the only thing we had in common was Wally. You can’t build a relationship on Wally.

I think this article more than anything I've ever written sums up my life. This article contains everything important to me--Catholicism, family, strange likings that clash against my anarcholibertarian ways, chasing girls--and the ultimate failure of said pursuit. But I will always pursue--eventually, one of them has to say sim, nao?

And here's a true story involving Wally and me courtesy of Guillermo!


Like Jesus, like Martin Luther King Jr., like a suicide case sucking on the business end of a rifle, Wally George saw Death coming from a long way off, could hear what you hear when Death approaches—not the sibilant whisper of a scythe, but Weekly writer Gustavo Arellano. And then George called me. It was last November, and Arellano had just raved about Mr. Smoke, a Polish restaurant in Anaheim where George’s picture hangs on the wall. Let that prescience sink in: "Mr. Smoke."

Arellano described George as "the coffin-dodging TV conservative." George called me, first cursing, then threatening a libel suit and finally saying he would come down to the Weekly and "sock you in the fucking face, you little son of a bitch." Like many right-wingers—I’m thinking Bob Dornan, George Bush and Bill O’Reilly—Wally was always bluffing. I told him to stay where he was, that if he could hang onto that thought for just a few minutes, I’d spare him the drive and come rearrange the face that reminded me too much of Rebecca DeMornay in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle. Then George started crying. The Thomas Edison of Combat TV was suddenly Bawly George. He was old, he said, "and you don’t know what it’s like to escape death so often." There was some near-deadly car wreck, brain cancer and heart trouble—and his prostate, I figured--all of it followed (and he made this sound dramatic) by Arellano’s food review.

He didn’t say, "Oh, how could you mock me?" But that was kind of the point. Could I understand how he hurt? "Wally, I had no idea you were human," I said. "I’m sorry. Really. Never meant any harm." And the "coffin-dodger" comment? That was really a compliment, I pointed out. Now I bet he agrees.
Strangers on my Flight...

The following email rants against my Pacific News Service article from last year arguing why so many immigrants cheer against the United States in soccer...

You are full of shit, Senyor. First off, it's ONLY Hispanick immigrants who boo USA teams. Secondly, "payback" is not the reason why you Hispanicks boo USA international sports teams. The real reason why you people boo USA teams is because you Hispanicks see the USA as the historic rivals and eternal enemies
of your beloved Spaniards. And because they whipped you people in every conceivable way, to the point where you people are desperate to sneak into their country, you feel humiliated and in turn hate. Other immigrants to the USA see us as the country that took them out of poverty and provided for them. And in turn they love the USA. But because Latin Americans of Spanish ancestry are descended from criminals, what you people see in the USA is instead a people and country that outdid you Hispanicks on the
world stage. And macho Hispanick pride will never allow their historic rivals to outdo them on the world stage, so you hate. Of course, Hispanicks will never admit that as the world will call them childish, so you Hispanicks make up bullshit like "interference" to justify your hatred of the USA/"Anglos". Let me tell you something, Senyor. The USA followed the Soviet Union into Latin America. If not for them, we never would have given you people the time of day. And because you people sneak in here claiming you "want to be free", maybe you should thank us and boo Russian international sports teams. yet i have never seen you people boo any Russian international sports teams. But I do see Latin Americans go out of their way to give their kids Russian names, I suspect as a way of patting them on the back for being the rival to the USA. You people have rendered unlivable every goddamned society you ever settled. It isn;t just the poverty you bring that makes Hispanick societies unlivable, it's the macho BS that makes Hispanick societies unlivable. Being challenged to a fight 24/7 for the slightest perceived insult, real or imagined. A consequence of you Hispanicks being descended from criminals. You people are nothing
but thieves. First stealing all the gold from native American societies and now smuggling tens of billions of dollars out of the USA every year.

Where to begin with this? So I'll reveal something rather bizarre--this is the third time this email has been sent to me. The first time was when the article was originally published during the World Cup and I summarily responded to it. But then the person who wrote the email sent it a year later--and again yesterday, not changing a single word either time!

The next letters address my article arguing why illegal immigrants should get drivers licenses...

I just read your story and it touched me. I'm illegal in this country. I have lived here for 11 years. I'm 16 years old now and I should be getting my license and I can't. I wish more people were like you and realized that this law is not fair. It hurts me so much because i have lived here most of my life and grew up with all of the americans, and most of them have no idea that i'm not an american citizen. It is really hard to see all my friends being able to drive and me be the only one that can't. I really hope this law changes soon or something happens that will allow me to become legal. That would be the best gift I can ever recieve. Well I just thought I should share this with you. Sorry for bothering.

My response...

Thank you for your kind words. No, you did not bother at all. Hopefully, Schwarzenegger will not repeal SB 60 and people like yourself will be able to attain a driver’s license.
Thank you for your article. I am so pleased with this new bill. Do you know how one goes about getting a license. A friend of mine had one. When he went to renew it they asked for an ss# and she didn't have one so they didn't issue. What can she do now? Thanks any info or leads are greatly appreciated.

My response...

I apologize for the tardiness in my response. I’m not sure as to the exact methods of applying for a license if one is illegal, although I would imagine you’d at least need a proof of residency. Hope this is of help.

Here's another email commending me for my Pastilla review...

I loved the review you did on Hey! I don't know why I kind of thought you would write something negative about it, it's just me and my crazy thoughts.

My response...

Now, whatever would give you the idea that I would bash on Pastilla? True, I'm not too much into emo-y type music, but I can judge music for how well it sounds--and Pastilla's latest was excellent.

Another couple on my Go Betty Go piece and CD review of Natalia Lafourcade...

Dug both your pieces this week and was glad to see somebody speak openly about Go Betty Go. I don't dislike them, but their hype factor is a bit unwarranted given that there are many better acts out there.....as for Lafourcade, I actually bought her album today and it's rapidly becoming a guilty pleasure. She may be manufactured, but at least it's a quality manufactured product.

My response...

Thanks as always for the commentary. Most people have expressed similar thoughts about Go Betty Go--OK band, but not so talented that they deserve all this press!

And yes--Natalia is absolutely wonderful. I hate "Busca un Problema" and the song that follows. But the rest of the tracks--with the exception of maybe one more--are great.
Interesting shout-out in a blog called The Scope...

The LA Weekly, as I would expect, has been doing a great job in covering the recall. I've also been pleasently suprised with the OC Weekly's coverage. The OCW is a separate paper with its own voice, but usually more emphasis on namecalling rather than serious coverage, something that's starting to change.

Ah, the usual canard against the Rag--we're too juvenile and lack any sort of grounded argument in our articles. But if this person thinks we're getting better, good for him.

The blogger then excerpts my MEChA-Bustamante piece and another Rag article...

As for those hysterical cries of Bustamante's chicanismo radicalism, the OC Weekly's Gustavo Arellano discusses just what MEChA does, and what it means for Bustamante and other Latino/a politicians:

Chapman administrators loved our dedication, holding us up as models of what others could aspire to. My fellow Mechistas went on to work for nonprofit organizations, scored consultant positions with the Democratic Party, became bankers, turned into psychologists, made it in Hollywood, interned at the Cato Institute, were hired by Chapman to recruit students—and this Mechista went on to graduate summa cum laude from UCLA. Not a single Mechista dropped out.

The academic portion of MEChA is always lost, however, in mainstream media depictions of the organization. To most non-Latinos at colleges and beyond, MEChA is that noisy Mexican club that protests every grievance imaginable and stages disruptive classroom walkouts, always waving the Mexican flag.

Elsewhere, Paul Brennan argues that forget Oui, the truly disturbing Arnold quotes come from US News:

Arnold, then as now, coyly avoids any substantive questions, though he does say some things that hint at what kind of governor he might be. "I was always dreaming about very powerful people, dictators, and things like that," he says, attempting to explain the boyhood roots of his ambition. "I was always impressed by people who could be remembered for hundreds of years or, like Jesus, for thousands of years." As for what this streak of megalomania means in practical terms, the article quotes Arnold as saying: "My relationship to power and authority is that I’m all for it. People need somebody to watch over them. . . . Ninety-five percent of the people in the world need to be told what to do and how to behave."

sexta-feira, outubro 10, 2003

According to a quiz courtesy of Striggy, I'd be Switzerland if I were a country:

Switzerland - A neutral power for as long as most can remember, it has avoided war for several centuries. However, it is still considered highly advanced and a global power.

Powerful without Force.
Makes Excellent Watches, Etc.

Target of Ridicule.
Constant Struggle to Avoid Conflict.
Target of Criminal Bank Accounts.

Sounds about right!
Big update tomorrow, promise. In the meantime I leave you with my personal thought:

I think I expect too much out of people. But is it expecting too much when you're prepared to offer what you expect?

And some Daily Rotten history...

Oct 10 1780

Over 48 hours, a slow-moving hurricane decimates Barbados, killing 4,326 (however according to the island's governor, "fortunately few people of consequence were among the number"). Over the next week, the catastrophic storm system moves on to Martinique (9,000 dead) and St. Eustatius (4-5,000). The unprecedented Great Hurricane of 1780 remains the deadliest Atlantic hurricane on record.

Oct 10 1962

The British Broadcasting Company bans "Monster Mash" -- the Halloween-themed novelty tune by Bobby "Boris" Pickett -- for being "offensive." The BBC never specifies precisely what it is about the song that's problematic.

Oct 10 1973

Bribe-happy Vice President Spiro T. Agnew finally resigns, after pleading guilty to federal income tax evasion. In addition to his venality, Agnew is chiefly remembered for this offhand remark during the 1968 campaign: "What's the matter with the fat Jap?"

And read some Evel Kneivel history!

17 Oct 1938 Robert Craig Knievel is born in the mining community of Butte, Montana.

1953 Arrested for stealing hubcaps.
1953 The name Evil Knievel is born. A prison guard jokes that he has local gangster "Awful (Bill) Knofeel and "Evil Knievel the hub cap thief in the same cell. The name was later legally changed to Evel to avoid upsetting religious fans.

Mar 1962 Falling during a motorbike race, Evel breaks his scapula and clavicle.

1965 (Lake Washington) Trying to attract attention to his motorcycle dealership, Knievel leaps off a ramp and clear a mountain lion, but lands on a box of rattlesnakes, scattering the venomous snakes and the spectators.

1966 Rode through a wall of fire and jumped two trucks in Barstow, California.

30 May 1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, Georgia.

1 Jan 1968 Attempting to clear the fountains at Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas, he lands awkwardly. His rag-doll somersaults leave him in a coma for 29-days with a shattered pelvis, fractured hip, and smashed right femur. Surgeons rebuild his leg with a two foot long, three inches wide strip of steel.

20 Sep 1970 Successfully cleared 13 cars in Seattle, WA.

8 Jan 1971 Again clearing 13 cars he drew a then record crowd to the Houston Astrodome.

28 Feb 1971 Set World record at Ontario, CA by jumping 19 Dodge cars.

10 May 1971 Both femurs are snapped after he tumbles clearing 13 Pepsi trucks in Yakima, Washington.

3 Mar 1972 Cow Palace, San Francisco. Broken back and concussion.

18 Feb 1973 Taking off from the highest ski-style jump ramp ever used he thrilled the crowd of 35,000 by flying over 50 cars stacked in the center of the Los Angeles Colliseum.

20 Aug 1974 In his last jump before the famous do-or-die Snake River Canyon attempt, he soared 135 feet over 13 eight foot wide Mack Trucks at the Canadian National Exposition.

8 Sep 1974 In Idaho, daredevil Evel Knievel climbs into his X-2 Skycycle (really just a rocket on wheels) and hits the ignition. The vehicle manages to clear the quarter-mile-wide Snake River Canyon, but then the parachute deploys prematurely and prevailing winds push him back into the chasm. Total ripoff.

31 May 1975 Wembley Stadium, London. Evel crashes after clearing 13 double decker buses. Despite a broken pelvis, he gets on his feet to reach the microphone and announce he will never jump again.

25 Oct 1975 Defiant after the Wembley crash, Evel successfully jumped 14 Greyhound buses at King's Island in Ohio.

1976 Evel fails during a practice run over a tank of killer sharks at Chicago Amphitheater. Concussion and two broken arms. A cameraman loses an eye from a flying piece of shrapnel.

1977 Evel batters publicist Sheldon Saltman with a baseball bat. Evel said stories of drug use in a book Saltman wrote are lies. "I broke his arms so he couldn't write anymore lies. I should have killed him," Evel said. Evel serves just six months of three years.

I had casts on both arms because they were both broken. The only reason I took a guy with me is because I was afraid he’d take a ball bat and beat the hell out of me. But I only broke his arms to teach him a lesson, to set an example – that you shouldn’t write lies about people. That’s all I did that for. What he said about my mother I should have killed him for. I should have killed that little bastard.

10 Oct 1994 Evel Knievel is arrested in a Sunnyvale, California topless bar for beating 22-year-old girlfriend Krystal Kennedy back at the Comfort Inn motel.

Jan 1998 Golf. A tumble near a bunker means Evel finally has to succumb to a hip replacement.

Jul 1998 Jacuzzi. Slipping on a wet railing, he falls and breaks a rib.

28 Jan 1999 Knievel receives a new liver at Tampa General Hospital.
Teacher Is Accused of Selling Sex

Guess where? In Patrick Henry Elementary. And guess where that school is? Right next to my house! I went there! My brother went there! We all went there! And my friend teaches there!

quinta-feira, outubro 09, 2003

I shouldn't be so repressed.

quarta-feira, outubro 08, 2003

And for the people who say Schwarzenegger is a political neophyte...

Con mi Treinta-Treinta Me Voy a Matar...

No violent emotions on my behalf--just learning the classic corrido Carabina 30-30 on my accordion!

I welcome all accusations of dorkiness: I know it already.

I walk around the house with my accordion strapped to my chest as if it were some sort of bandolier. I look like Buddy Holly if he ever got into a Ramon Ayala period. In short, I'm lame.

Here is the Muslim Barbie.

I asked Dorky Angel once if she ever had her Barbie and Ken simulate sex. She said the farthest they ever got was first base. What a innocent mind!

Too many politics for me to comment on, so check out the LovelyMoFos and their lovely rants.

Here's some choice quotes from the Rotten.com Spiro T. Agnew commentary...

Sure, it's bad to be remembered as an evil and corrupt politician. But what's really bad is to be remembered as a mediocre evil and corrupt politician. In all fairness, Spiro T. Agnew really never had a chance. You don't put your kid on the path to greatness by naming him "Spiro."


Agnew beat his conservative Democratic candidate on a platform of relative liberalism. As governor, Agnew was a fairly moderate guy, initiating programs to assist the needy, an sliding-scale income tax and open housing laws.

He also instituted programs to assist needy governors of Maryland named Spiro Agnew. As governor, Agnew took kickbacks from major contractors in Maryland, although he never, ever, EVER admitted that. The payments, which Agnew forever insisted were legitimate campaign contributions, came in small bills in unmarked envelopes, totaling at the minimum some $200,000 plus.

Here are some prime Spiro T. Agnew quotes...

"A Nixon-Agnew administration will abolish the credibility gap and reestablish the truth — the whole truth — as its policy."
"(The media) are an effete corps of impudent snobs, a tiny fraternity of privileged men elected by no one and enjoying a monopoly sanctioned and licensed by the government. They are nattering nabobs of negativism."

"Ultraliberalism today translates into a whimpering isolationism in foreign policy, a mulish obstructionism in domestic policy, and a pusillanimous pussyfooting on the critical issue of law and order."

"The criminal left is not a problem to be solved by the Department of Philosophy or the Department of English--it is a problem for the Department of Justice.... Black or white, the criminal left is interested in power. It is not interested in promoting the renewal and reforms that make democracy work; it is interested in promoting those collisions and conflict that tear democracy apart."

"A spirit of national masochism prevails, encouraged by an effete corps of impudent snobs who characterize themselves as intellectuals."

"(Whomever he was attacking this particular day were) the hopeless, hysterical hypochondriacs of history."

"If you've seen one city slum you've seen them all."

Enough for now. I still have to read both Times!
Some history to tide us over...

Oct 7 1964

Walter W. Jenkins, chief White House aide and longtime friend of President Lyndon B. Johnson, is arrested for disorderly conduct two blocks from the White House. Jenkins was discovered in a YMCA pay toilet with another man. Ultimately, Jenkins is forced to resign, so as not to jeopardize Johnson's re-election campaign. Jenkins stated that during his arrest, his mind had been "befuddled by fatigue, alcohol, physical illness, and lack of food."

When a man is caught with a woman, he's applauded. When a woman is caught with a man, she's branded a slut. And when two men are caught together, they're even more maligned. Not much of a queer feminist myself, but don't you think there's some discrimination going on here. Either condemn public trysts uniformally or be libertines and let people bang like apes (as Johnny Arthur is wont to state).

Oct 8 1871

Mrs O'Leary's cow starts the Chicago Fire, killing 250 and destroying 17,000 buildings. Bad cow.
New readers to this site--even old, for that matter: such is the weirdness of this blog. Read at your own disgust.

terça-feira, outubro 07, 2003

Grey Skys are Gonna Clear Up...

Just got back from redevelopment speaking when I heard Cruz Bustamante claim on KFWB (actually, it was a live feed directly from Sacramento) that the main concern tonight was the defeat of Proposition 54.

I immediately yelled at my half-eaten apple.

Fookin' wanker expects everyone to believe that his main concern with the Oct. 7 vote was Proposition 54 and not the recall or--more importantly to his ambiguous soul--the election of him as governor?!

The KFWB commentator opined that he thought Bustamante would come out unscathed. I don't think so. Everyone saw what a feckless man Bustamante is. And while my conspirational side feels a Latino will never be elected to a truly prominent position, I think Pinochet Apologist would agree with me in saying that the state of Latino politicians is pretty damn sad.

Besides all the ethnic pandering (do you realize Gil Cedillo, Hilda Solis, Antonio Villaraigosa, and some other politician I cannot remember all called my room number and urged me to vote against the recall--in Spanish?!), they're simply terrible politicians who really haven't done much for anyone.

Quick aside: The Spanish of those politicians was terrible. They ain't Latinos; they're Chicanos. And Chicanos are...wouldn't you like to know my thoughts!!

Enough for now--let's talk to someone and get happy!

segunda-feira, outubro 06, 2003

Ladies and gentlemen, cover your ears--my accordion has arrived.

Bought it over EBay at a reduced price because it's colored like the Mexican flag. Diatonic. A beaut, though brazenly loud.

Numbers of admirers I now have--ninguem.
He Brings Love! Don't Let Him Get Away!

Here's another random email for me...

I know this may sound silly but I am honored that you promptly responded to my email. Week after week I find it refreshing to hear an opinion that resonates with my political/personal views whether you are doing a food or music review or scrutinizing good ol' political puppets like Sanchez or Pulido. I shamelessly await every thursday to get a fresh new issue and compare/discuss opinions with my good friend--she thoroughly enjoys you although she is fond of Anthony Pignataro's work as well. I just recently discovered your website and journal and find that quite entertaining and informative as well. Okay, sorry I'm babbling now, but honestly I just had to tell you what a groupie I am!

My response is private. And if you're reading this, sender of email...I'm extremely flattered.

So let's balance the appreciation with the hate! Actually, no letters this week so on to the wire!

Mink eat each other after animal rights break-in

There's been a lot of stories recently about animal liberation-types breaking into cages and freeing animals. In fact, one tiny incident where about four people freed four pate-producing ducks was considered so damn important it garnered coverage from both the Los Angeles and New York Times. For the saving of a quartet of quackers! Talk about a slow news day.

Teacher beats up student with fish head.

I remember my junior year in high school how my history teacher swung a yardstick on my friend's back. My friend screamed in pain; everyone laughed. Isn't it great going to a school that the city doesn't give a damn about because it's filled with poor Mexicans?

The Mexican government's role in the 1968 Tlatetlolco massacre.

The first sentence to the AP story says all you need to know:

At least 360 snipers under government command fired into a crowd of protesters, touching off a massacre 35 years ago that scarred a generation of Mexicans, according to once-secret government files obtained by The Associated Press.

Parents Angered Over Florida School's 'Redneck Day'

The quote:

"A redneck is an ignorant, white racist," parent Shirley Moorer said.

I wholeheartedly disagree. A redneck is a poor white. That our poor also tend to be viruntly racist is another matter altogether.

Reverand Fred Phelps continues to show why he's going to hell with his desecration of Matthew Shepherd.

Read it to believe it:

Anti-gay preacher Fred Phelps has announced intentions to erect a monument to Matthew Shepard the gay college student brutally murdered five years ago near Laramie.

But, the monument will be no memorial. Phelps says the monument would be 5 to 6 feet tall and made of marble or granite. It would bear a bronze plaque bearing the image of Shepard and have an inscription reading "MATTHEW SHEPARD, Entered Hell October 12, 1998, in Defiance of God's Warning: 'Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it is abomination.' Leviticus 18:22."

I remember that Shephard's death made Johnny Arthur proclaim he was ashamed to be a Christian after Phelps, et al. held up "God Hates Fags" signs at Shepard's funeral. Phelps is evil--let the Rotten Library do the trick.

Laura Schlessinger thinks women should have sex on demand from men.

The fake doctor's quote:

In her latest book, she writes: "If husbands are expected to go to work and earn money and visit relatives they don't like, why can't wives put out on demand?"


Wives have a "loving obligation" to have sex whenever they are asked for it - even if they are not in the mood, says American author Dr Laura Schlessinger.

That's enough for now. Sore knees beckon!
If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time...

Just came back from the Maldita/Slowrider sweat lodge at JC Fandango. Let's just say the pit is about as close to sex as I've gotten in a while--I am absolutely drenched with sweat!

Some Rotten history...

Oct 6 1014

Czar Samuil of Bulgaria dies after an army of 15,000 of his men is returned, blinded by his enemy Emperor Basil of the Byzantine Empire. One out of every hundred of his men was permitted to keep one eye, such that they were able to return home. For this victory Basil earned the title Bulgaroctonus, slayer of Bulgars.

What was it about the days of yore and such heinous acts of note?!

And for you pervs looking for pictures or information on Kerry Wood's wife...this ain't the place, she's not that pretty, and Fox is annoying many a baseball fan with their after-every-pitch portrayal of her.

domingo, outubro 05, 2003

Same Old Thing Since 1962...

I'm a nut. I'm sorry. But trust that my madness makes sense.


Went to the wedding of the Norse, held on the rooftop of the Casa del Camino in Laguna Beach. Some of the Rag were there--I spent the night knocking down orange juice with ice. What a party-goer!

There's so much to write about I'm not going to write about it. In the meanwhile, here's Rotten.com's bio of Rush Limbaugh. Here's a short sample...

The Quotable Limbaugh...

On homosexuality: "When a gay person turns his back on you, it's anything but an insult - it's an invitation. The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt comes with less fruit."

On the homeless: "One of the things I want to do before I die is conduct the Homeless Olympics. The 10-meter Shopping Cart Relay, the Dumpster Dig, and the Hop, Skip and Trip."

On NAFTA: "If we are going to start rewarding no skills and stupid people--I'm serious, let the unskilled jobs, let the kinds of jobs that take absolutely no knowledge whatsoever to do--let stupid and unskilled Mexicans do that work."

On Native Americans: "There are more American Indians alive today than there were when Columbus arrived or at any other time in history. Does this sound like a record of Genocide?"

On feminism: "Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream. Women were doing quite well in this country before feminism came along."

On feminazis: "Militant feminists are pro-choice because it's their ultimate avenue of power over men... It is their attempt to impose their will on the rest of society, particularly on men."

On corporate layoffs: "Why is it that whenever a corporation fires workers, it's never speculated that the workers might have deserved it?"

On Kurt Cobain: "Kurt Cobain was, ladies and gentleman, was a worthless shred of human debris."

Speculating as to how a Mexican won the New York marathon: "An immigration agent chased him for the last 10 miles."

That last one was funny! Now the biography of Siegfried and Roy. Look at this quote...

"Women and tigers are exactly alike," snurked Roy during an Esquire interview. "They have the same temperament, emotions, and vulnerabilities. They must be spoken to softly, but it doesn't hurt to carry a big stick just in case. You can teach a tiger to use the toilet."

What maroons.

sábado, outubro 04, 2003

Some Daily Rotten history...

Oct 4 1986

Network news anchorman Dan Rather is mugged in New York City. The attacker, one William Tager, shouts the question "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" during the beating. While the "frequency" refers to the wavelength of the transmissions that CBS was beaming into Tager's head, history is still unclear on exactly who "Kenneth" is or why R.E.M. would record a song about it.

Oct 4 1976

Earl Butz, President Gerald Ford's Secretary of Agriculture, is forced to resign after newspapers print a comment he made regarding race relation: "I'll tell you what the coloreds want. It's three things: first, a tight pussy; second, loose shoes; and third, a warm place to shit."

Read about Gerald Ford's rather disturbing accomplishments. Here's just some of them, either committed by him or his associates. I'll start with the weird ones, and conclude with Ford's idiotic rationale for pardoning Richard Nixon...

1934 In a Chicago v. Michigan college game, Ford tackles Jay Berwanger, who later becomes a Heismann winner. "When I tackled Jay in the second quarter, I ended up with a bloody cut and I still have the scar to prove it."

He played Jay freakin' Berwanger! Previously, Berwanger was nothing to me except the first Heisman winner and the University of Chicago's only football accomplishment besides Amos Alonzo Stagg.

22 Sep 1975: In front of the St. Francis Hotel in San Francisco, Sara Jane Moore pulls out a Smith and Wesson .38 revolver and points it at Gerald Ford. Before she can assassinate the President, a bystander named Oliver "Bill" Sipple grabs Moore's arm. Sipple, a closeted gay man, is later outed by the press. The spotlight on his personal life causes him to complain: "My sexual orientation has nothing to do with saving the President's life."

Sipple's comments is one of the saddest I've ever seen.

26 Jan 1979 70-year-old multibillionaire Nelson Rockefeller is stricken by a massive heart attack while fucking his 27-year-old research assistant, Megan Marshak. The former Vice President dies during the ambulance ride. Rockefeller's will leaves Marshak $50,000 and the deed to a Manhattan townhouse.

The only other famous people I've know about who died while engaging in coitus is Attila the Hun and some pope. Read here for more about the Rockefeller/Marshak liaison.And now, the lengthy pardon. I urge you to read through its entirety only if you want to be enraged for the day. Happy reading!

Took over after Richard M. Nixon went off the deep end. Then he pardoned Nixon for no defensible reason.

On September 8, 1974 President Ford issued Proclamation 4311:

It is believed that a trial of Richard Nixon, if it became necessary, could not fairly begin until a year or more has elapsed. In the meantime, the tranquility to which this nation has been restored by the events of recent weeks could be irreparably lost by the prospects of bringing to trial a former President of the United States. The prospects of such trial will cause prolonged and divisive debate over the propriety of exposing to further punishment and degradation a man who has already paid the unprecedented penalty of relinquishing the highest elective office of the United States.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, Gerald R. Ford, President of the United States, pursuant to the pardon power conferred upon me by Article II, Section 2, of the Constitution, have granted and by these presents do grant a full, free, and absolute pardon unto Richard Nixon for all offenses against the United States which he, Richard Nixon, has committed or may have committed or taken part in during the period from January 20, 1969 through August 9, 1974.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this eighth day of September, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and seventy-four, and of the Indepdendence of the United States the one hundred and ninety-ninth.

In a televised address to the nation, President Ford announced the pardon and clarified his rationale:

As we are a nation under God, so I am sworn to uphold our laws with the help of God. And I have sought such guidance and searched my own conscience with special diligence to determine the right thing for me to do with respect to my predecessor in this place, Richard Nixon, and his loyal wife and family. Theirs is an American tragedy in which we all have played a part. It could go on and on and on, or someone must write the end to it. I have concluded that only I can do that, and if I can, I must.
There are no historic or legal precedents to which I can turn in this matter, none that precisely fit the circumstances of a private citizen who has resigned the Presidency of the United States. But it is common knowledge that serious allegations and accusations hang like a sword over our former President's head, threatening his health as he tries to reshape his life, a great part of which was spent in the service of this country and by the mandate of its people.

After years of bitter controversy and divisive national debate, I have been advised, and I am compelled to conclude that many months and perhaps more years will have to pass before Richard Nixon could obtain a fair trial by jury in any jurisdiction of the United States under governing decisions of the Supreme Court.

I deeply believe in equal justice for all Americans, whatever their station or former station. The law, whether human or divine, is no respecter of persons; but the law is a respecter of reality.

The facts, as I see them, are that a former President of the United States, instead of enjoying equal treatment with any other citizen accused of violating the law, would be cruelly and excessively penalized either in preserving the presumption of his innocence or in obtaining a speedy determination of his guilt in order to repay a legal debt to society.

During this long period of delay and potential litigation, ugly passions would again be aroused. And our people would again be polarized in their opinions. And the credibility of our free institutions of government would again be challenged at home and abroad.

In the end, the courts might well hold that Richard Nixon had been denied due process, and the verdict of history would even more be inconclusive with respect to those charges arising out of the period of his Presidency, of which I am presently aware.


My conscience tells me clearly and certainly that I cannot prolong the bad dreams that continue to reopen a chapter that is closed. My conscience tells me that only I, as President, have the constitutional power to firmly shut and seal this book. My conscience tells me it is my duty, not merely to proclaim domestic tranquillity but to use every means that I have to insure it. I do believe that the buck stops here, that I cannot rely upon public opinion polls to tell me what is right. I do believe that right makes might and that if I am wrong, 10 angels swearing I was right would make no difference. I do believe, with all my heart and mind and spirit, that I, not as President but as a humble servant of God, will receive justice without mercy if I fail to show mercy.

Finally, I feel that Richard Nixon and his loved ones have suffered enough and will continue to suffer, no matter what I do, no matter what we, as a great and good nation, can do together to make his goal of peace come true.

sexta-feira, outubro 03, 2003

Need to write better...but everything well.

Many links to come once my wrists stop hurting!
Have I posted this already? If I did, too bad.

I now present O.J. Simpson courtesy of the Rotten.com library...

O.J. Simpson
The Juice is Loose

When celebrity and former football superstar O.J. Simpson took to the freeways in his white bronco on June 17, 1994, any criminologist will tell you that it was the unmistakable behavior of an innocent man. Textbook, really. Psychologists have learned that multihour car chases are just part of the natural grieving process. Atypical, certainly, but natural nonetheless. So he had a handgun. So he threatened to commit suicide if the cops wouldn't back off. It's all normal.

You'd feel the same way if it were your ex-wife who got brutally murdered, along with her boyfriend. The mother of your children, the woman you committed felony spousal abuse against. No doubt you would have lingering feelings of guilt and self-recrimination. You'd probably feel suicidal in his shoes. That doesn't mean you killed her. Nuh-uh. No way.

At this point you might be quibbling: "But what about the shoeprints? What about O.J.'s injuries? What about all the fucking blood?"

Haven't you ever heard of circumstantial evidence? Doesn't prove shit. The cops framed him. O.J. is black, don't you know. And if there's anything the LAPD hates more than black people, it's rich black celebrities.

So let's all just give the man a break. He's still picking up the pieces. A lot of men deal with their emotions by playing golf, all right? It's part of the healing process.

Poor guy.


3 Oct 1996: A jury of his "peers" finds Orenthal James Simpson not guilty. Later, OJ resumes his golfing career while hunting for The Real Killers.

I remember when the jury returned the not-guilty verdict--we were in Ms. Mahafee's English class and she had the radio on. When they announced the verdict, everyone cheered. I was disgusted--not so much because I thought OJ was guilty (which at the time I believe he was innocent) but because we weren't conducting class. This, coming from someone who attained a C in English that year. I welcome all invectives.

quinta-feira, outubro 02, 2003

Eat, Drink, and Be Mercurial...

Know what's rather bizarre?

I have a huge appetite for food. This is my diet for today:

BREAKFAST: Beans, rice, potatoes w/onions & fried serrano chiles
LUNCH: jasmine rice, chicken tikka, raita, and a rather-cold slab of naan
DINNER: tres tostadas de ceviche de jaiba and a pan dulce
DESSERT: something called a "breakfast square" with 220 calories.

And I'm still hungry.

Know what's even more bizarre?

I gain no weight--and I don't even work out or do any physical activity of any sort.

Guillermo is convinced I have a tapeworm in my system. I always assumed I had cancer of some sort, especially when I dropped 25 pounds in the three months after I graduated from Chapman University. Even today, I'm only 10 pounds heavier than what my driver's license says I weigh--mind you, the stats and picture from my driver's license reveal a smirking 16-year-old with a mustache that would give any Frito Bandido a run for his money.

The real reason? I have a ridiculously high metabolism and expend lots of energy--therefore, I need to replenish my batteries. I wake up at six in the morning to read my three papers, get in to work around nine, leave at six to work even more, then sleep around midnight or one, then start the day again. I'm never not busy (yes, a double negative, but sometimes they are necessary to make a point)--there's only one moment when I'm relaxed and only precious few people ever experience that.


Most of Uds. are already forcefully subscribed to my Shameless Self-Promotion List (and if you aren't but want to, email me and I'll be more than happy to include you!). Nevertheless, I will now link up every Thursday here the articles I've written this week. Just the links--no commentary. I leave that to you, the never-readers!

Roy D. DePaul, Placentia's mysterious master developer.

Why illegal immigrants live better than college students.

Slowrider cruises on as Los Angeles' finest jam band.

Pastilla's Hey! reconfirms its status as one of LA's finest Latin alternative groups.

Julieta Venegas at JC Fandango (second item down)

Aloha Chicken, great Hawaiian food.

And finally, five dac biets.

Damn straight I'm working my ass off. And damn straight I love it. And damn straight I can still make time for you!