A Week in the Life of Gustavo

"Seems to think that if he fails to write, la migra will find him."--OC Weekly More merriment available at ronmaydon@yahoo.com

sábado, outubro 04, 2003

Some Daily Rotten history...

Oct 4 1986

Network news anchorman Dan Rather is mugged in New York City. The attacker, one William Tager, shouts the question "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" during the beating. While the "frequency" refers to the wavelength of the transmissions that CBS was beaming into Tager's head, history is still unclear on exactly who "Kenneth" is or why R.E.M. would record a song about it.

Oct 4 1976

Earl Butz, President Gerald Ford's Secretary of Agriculture, is forced to resign after newspapers print a comment he made regarding race relation: "I'll tell you what the coloreds want. It's three things: first, a tight pussy; second, loose shoes; and third, a warm place to shit."

Read about Gerald Ford's rather disturbing accomplishments. Here's just some of them, either committed by him or his associates. I'll start with the weird ones, and conclude with Ford's idiotic rationale for pardoning Richard Nixon...

1934 In a Chicago v. Michigan college game, Ford tackles Jay Berwanger, who later becomes a Heismann winner. "When I tackled Jay in the second quarter, I ended up with a bloody cut and I still have the scar to prove it."

He played Jay freakin' Berwanger! Previously, Berwanger was nothing to me except the first Heisman winner and the University of Chicago's only football accomplishment besides Amos Alonzo Stagg.

22 Sep 1975: In front of the St. Francis Hotel in San Francisco, Sara Jane Moore pulls out a Smith and Wesson .38 revolver and points it at Gerald Ford. Before she can assassinate the President, a bystander named Oliver "Bill" Sipple grabs Moore's arm. Sipple, a closeted gay man, is later outed by the press. The spotlight on his personal life causes him to complain: "My sexual orientation has nothing to do with saving the President's life."

Sipple's comments is one of the saddest I've ever seen.

26 Jan 1979 70-year-old multibillionaire Nelson Rockefeller is stricken by a massive heart attack while fucking his 27-year-old research assistant, Megan Marshak. The former Vice President dies during the ambulance ride. Rockefeller's will leaves Marshak $50,000 and the deed to a Manhattan townhouse.

The only other famous people I've know about who died while engaging in coitus is Attila the Hun and some pope. Read here for more about the Rockefeller/Marshak liaison.And now, the lengthy pardon. I urge you to read through its entirety only if you want to be enraged for the day. Happy reading!

Took over after Richard M. Nixon went off the deep end. Then he pardoned Nixon for no defensible reason.

On September 8, 1974 President Ford issued Proclamation 4311:


It is believed that a trial of Richard Nixon, if it became necessary, could not fairly begin until a year or more has elapsed. In the meantime, the tranquility to which this nation has been restored by the events of recent weeks could be irreparably lost by the prospects of bringing to trial a former President of the United States. The prospects of such trial will cause prolonged and divisive debate over the propriety of exposing to further punishment and degradation a man who has already paid the unprecedented penalty of relinquishing the highest elective office of the United States.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, Gerald R. Ford, President of the United States, pursuant to the pardon power conferred upon me by Article II, Section 2, of the Constitution, have granted and by these presents do grant a full, free, and absolute pardon unto Richard Nixon for all offenses against the United States which he, Richard Nixon, has committed or may have committed or taken part in during the period from January 20, 1969 through August 9, 1974.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this eighth day of September, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and seventy-four, and of the Indepdendence of the United States the one hundred and ninety-ninth.

In a televised address to the nation, President Ford announced the pardon and clarified his rationale:

As we are a nation under God, so I am sworn to uphold our laws with the help of God. And I have sought such guidance and searched my own conscience with special diligence to determine the right thing for me to do with respect to my predecessor in this place, Richard Nixon, and his loyal wife and family. Theirs is an American tragedy in which we all have played a part. It could go on and on and on, or someone must write the end to it. I have concluded that only I can do that, and if I can, I must.
There are no historic or legal precedents to which I can turn in this matter, none that precisely fit the circumstances of a private citizen who has resigned the Presidency of the United States. But it is common knowledge that serious allegations and accusations hang like a sword over our former President's head, threatening his health as he tries to reshape his life, a great part of which was spent in the service of this country and by the mandate of its people.

After years of bitter controversy and divisive national debate, I have been advised, and I am compelled to conclude that many months and perhaps more years will have to pass before Richard Nixon could obtain a fair trial by jury in any jurisdiction of the United States under governing decisions of the Supreme Court.

I deeply believe in equal justice for all Americans, whatever their station or former station. The law, whether human or divine, is no respecter of persons; but the law is a respecter of reality.

The facts, as I see them, are that a former President of the United States, instead of enjoying equal treatment with any other citizen accused of violating the law, would be cruelly and excessively penalized either in preserving the presumption of his innocence or in obtaining a speedy determination of his guilt in order to repay a legal debt to society.

During this long period of delay and potential litigation, ugly passions would again be aroused. And our people would again be polarized in their opinions. And the credibility of our free institutions of government would again be challenged at home and abroad.

In the end, the courts might well hold that Richard Nixon had been denied due process, and the verdict of history would even more be inconclusive with respect to those charges arising out of the period of his Presidency, of which I am presently aware.

[...]

My conscience tells me clearly and certainly that I cannot prolong the bad dreams that continue to reopen a chapter that is closed. My conscience tells me that only I, as President, have the constitutional power to firmly shut and seal this book. My conscience tells me it is my duty, not merely to proclaim domestic tranquillity but to use every means that I have to insure it. I do believe that the buck stops here, that I cannot rely upon public opinion polls to tell me what is right. I do believe that right makes might and that if I am wrong, 10 angels swearing I was right would make no difference. I do believe, with all my heart and mind and spirit, that I, not as President but as a humble servant of God, will receive justice without mercy if I fail to show mercy.

Finally, I feel that Richard Nixon and his loved ones have suffered enough and will continue to suffer, no matter what I do, no matter what we, as a great and good nation, can do together to make his goal of peace come true.