A Week in the Life of Gustavo

"Seems to think that if he fails to write, la migra will find him."--OC Weekly More merriment available at ronmaydon@yahoo.com

quarta-feira, novembro 05, 2003

It's Been a Long Time, Now I'm Coming Back Home...

I've not been myself as of recent--hadn't read Daily Rotten in almost a week! But I must keep sane, so here are some rather fascinating stories...

Fart novelty toy causes havoc at airport.

As I've stated before, I'm not a fan of scatalogical humor, but found this story to be rather fun. And speaking of breaking wind, Johnny Arthur cuts some so noxious the EPA is looking to loosen regulations on him.

Kid gets harrassed by FBI for researching on the Internet.

For an Internutter like me, this is a particularly frightening story. And for the person who reached this infernal blog by typing in the keywords "pictures of kerry wood's wife", you're next.

Australia beats Namibia 142-0 in the Rugby World Cup.

A couple of weekends ago, DirectTV allowed us to view the variou sports channels for free. Spent most of that weekend watching the Rugby World Cup--saw a match between Wellington and Auckland in the New Zealand League, saw Fiji play someone and viewed Argentina match up rather well against Romania. Rugby is a graceful, always-moving sport--I'd venture to say it's more exciting than American football. And that belly-flop at the end for a try is so quirky I adopted it years ago everytime I scored a touchdown--on console football, of course.

Motel accused of barring 'coloreds' from pool.

Happened in--where else?--Florida. First the Cubans, now this.

White House giving Iraq, Afghanistan contracts to cronies.

Knew this story already, but deserves an excerpt:

Many of the companies that have received government contracts to rebuild Iraq and Afghanistan have collectively contributed more money to President Bush's election campaigns than to any other candidate in more than a decade, according to a study released yesterday.

In one of the most detailed studies of postwar contracts, the Center for Public Integrity, a nonprofit government watchdog, found that at least 70 companies have been awarded a total of $8 billion in contracts in the past two years.

While some of the contractors were previously known to have ties to White House officials -- such as Halliburton, formerly headed by Vice President Dick Cheney -- the group found several lesser-known firms that also are linked to senior government officials. One small company's sole employee is married to a deputy assistant secretary of defense, the study found.

Isn't that bloody special?

Escalator devours woman.

Comes on the heel's of last month's decapitation-by-elevator. Thank God I like to climb stairs.

Australian castaway sheep finally heading for the slaughterhouse--in Eritrea.

Deserves an excerpt:

"We are a very proud people. We would never have accepted unhealthy sheep," he said.

"But we are also realistic and pragmatic. If there is nothing wrong with them and we are getting them for free, that's good."

"We will slaughter the sheep and they will be used for consumption in Eritrea," he told AFP news agency.

Proud people, my ass. If you're starving, accept any food people may give you.

Man gets hand stuck in toilet trying to retrieve cell phone.

This story begs so many questions I'll offer none.

California recall election to be given the porn treatment.

The entire story:

California's colourful election to choose a new governor, won in early October by Hollywood star Arnold Schwarzenegger, is taking a fresh twist as the contest is turned into a porn movie.

One of the candidates in the race, adult actress Mary Carey, is poised to begin shooting a sexy behind-the-scenes view of the campaign.

The movie will co-star fellow hopefuls "Ernie Gropenegger" and the state's lieutenant governor "Spooge Cruztamante".

The characters' names are eerily reminiscent of those of Schwarzenegger - accused during his campaign of groping up to 16 women - and California's current deputy governor, Cruz Bustamante.

"It's kind of like satirical," said Mark Kulkis, president of Kickass Pictures which is producing the film.

"Our attorney told us to use different names from those of the real candidates, but I guess it's pretty obvious.

"I think that Mr Bustamante and Mr Schwarzenegger will take it in the fun spirit in which it's intended because we're not being mean-spirited at all with this."

Carey, 23, will play herself in the movie.

The two-hour picture will co-star porn star Ron Jeremy as Spooge Cruztamante and muscle-bound X-rated actor Lee Stone as Ernie Gropenegger.

If you've reached this far...email me! I'll give you a prize! Finally...

Monkeys overrun Indian city.

I love animals amok!

But now, work.


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